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Texting relationships have an aspect of controlled exposure, with a lower risk of rejection. But if we don’t practice in real life, then we lose the muscle of social and emotional intelligence in dating. It’s that we need to find a way to stay connected to our moral compass, our integrity, and our intuition.It’s important to be able to notice if we’re acting compulsively and to be able to draw limits with ourselves and with others.It’s led to confusion about what rules apply, and an atmosphere of uncertainty and anxiety. Q How do you think apps and phones have changed dating?
Once they have met someone in person, they have the opportunity to reconcile their online communication, their online persona (or edited self), and the projections that have been brewing in the subtexts of their texts, with a real-life person.These are the three broad shifts I see, and they all have costs.The internet has increased our opportunity to date by providing a greater pool of potential sexual partners, which is exciting and fascinating on one level.When we communicate primarily through our phones and screens, we don’t have the benefits of body language, eye contact, and all the other expressive ways our bodies communicate to help us understand each other.These are not only essential qualities of our shared humanity but also critical in courtship, intimacy, and love.
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It’s not the technology that’s inherently bad, she says.