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You wait, what, a week for the bad energy to dissipate and then you start dating. Minuses: she’s always working, and she has a four-year-old named Justin. One of those hot moms, and you’re excited for the first time in more than a year. She’s probably had a lot of bad experiences with the hit-and-run types. But it galls you that she gave it up to some thug with no job, no education, no nothing, and now she’s making you jump through hoops of fire. she asks when she next calls, and you almost say yes, but then your idiocy gets the better of you. Where was that guard when she let the banilejo fuck her without a condom? Besides, it only happens when you’re not looking for it. When winter rolls in, a part of you fears that you’ll fold—Boston winters are on some terrorism shit—but you need the activity more than anything, so you keep at it even as the trees are stripped of their foliage and the paths empty out and the frost reaches into your bones. Every time you think about the ex, every time the loneliness rears up in you like a seething, burning continent, you tie on your shoes and hit the paths and that helps; it really does.
Kisses you at the door as she leaves; it all feels too chaste to you, too lacking in promise. Two years later, you will run into her in Dudley Square but she will pretend not to recognize you, and you won’t force the issue. Then you’d lose your thick, you note, and she laughs. It’s all going swell, it’s all marvellous, and then, in the middle of a sun salutation, you feel a shift in your lower back and —it’s like a sudden power failure. What the hell are you going to do with a blanquita? I should get back to ballet, she says while undressing you. When the class is over, you need help from the little white girl to rise to your feet. At the Plough and Stars, you collapse against a stop sign and call Elvis on your cell. And because love, real love, is not so easily shed. Because you’ve gone through so much together—her father’s death, your tenure madness, her bar exam (passed on the third attempt).